One of the interesting (aka shit) things about gender roles in professional contexts is the expectation of men as action-oriented “fuck your feels, here’s what must be done!” go-getters and women as “hey, I hope this doesn’t throw things off, but can you…” conflict-smoothers.
I often hear people say that men get ahead because of this, and women are held back because of it — that women, if they were to go all super saiyan and stop using “soft language,” would succeed as much as men.
And yet. What I actually see over and over is incredibly intelligent, whip-smart women treated like “problem children” if they don’t play the role of den mother, with behaviors that are seen as totally normal in dude professionals treated as SHOCKINGLY!!! confrontational.
Even more damning: guys like me are treated like goddamn horse whisperers because we can consciously use the same kinds of softening language women are lectured for when we want to smooth difficult messages.
It’s almost as if — and I know this is going out on a limb — systems that demean and dismiss women and elevate/privilege men in the workplace do so regardless of their gender-coded behaviors, rewarding men but punishing women for “breaking type”
Naturally there are limits — guys who depart TOO much from masculine-coded behavior and presentation get the hammer dropped too, but the takeaway for me as I’ve watched this happen is: “Fuck Lean In, The System’s Broken”